Thursday, March 26, 2009

Boy Cooties

Someone please tell me this isn't happening. She's only 5 and a half. She still wears pigtails and plays dress up. She still has a lisp. Thursdays are Firsdays and thirteen is firteen. The toothfairy still exists and so does Santa and the Easter Bunny. She still colors on the walls and furniture when no one is looking.

So, yesterday on the way home from school, Anna hit me with the big shocker. She has a boyfriend. Well, not just one. She has 3. And she listed them in order of preference. I seriously considered pulling the truck over on the side of the road and hitting my knees in a deep prayer of "P-LEEEAASE, Lord, don't let this be happening now."

I took a deep breath, and calmly asked her if she knew what a boyfriend was...HOPING and PRAYING she just thought it was a boy that was a friend...as I had all fingers and all toes crossed that she really didn't know. "You know Mommy, it means you have to kiss eachother," she duhhhh-ishly informs me. At this point, I'm trying to hold in the sick feeling of throw-up building in my throat.

My response:

Me: Anna Lynn, that's great that you have boys as friends, but you are too young for boyfriends (did I really just say boyfriend[s] with an [s]??? Lord, help me AND her). It's ok to have boys as friends, but you don't need to kiss boys. Boys have cooties.
Anna: What are cooties?
Me: Cooties are nasty germs that make you very sick. You get them when you kiss boys.
Anna: Do all boys have cooties? I can't see cooties on them.
Me: YES. ALL boys have cooties...especially little boys. Cooties are invisible. You can't see them.
Anna: When can I kiss boys?
Me: When you are as old as Mommy. You have to be a lot older so your immune system is strong enough to fight off the cooties. There is no medicine for boy cooties. If you are too little, your immune system has not had enough time to grow and can't fight the boy cooties like it should, and you'll get REALLY sick.
Anna: Ok.

So, maybe it wasn't your typical response, but I hope it worked. I may be the only mother who's enough of a germ-freak that my 5 year old knows what germs are and what an immune system is. Sad, I know. But it's true. Just as long as she KNOWS without a doubt just how bad boy cooties are.

I'm thinking, that at this point, as much as I've always said there is no way I could ever manage, homeschooling may actually be an option. I'm going to be driven to an early death either way. Might as well enter the "other side" early knowing my daughter will stay far FAR away from boy cooties until she's at least 30.



4 comments:

Becky Shuler said...

I love your response about boy cooties, Dee! Hilarious!! I may have to pull that out of my hat when Juliette gets a little older!! Good grief! Hope she believes you for a LONG time! :)

Charlotte Justine said...

Hey - my boy does not have cooties! :P

Lol, very cute! ;)

Dee said...

Becky - I never come up with "normal" explantions on the spur of the moment. I'm such a dork. However, you are free to use that explantion ;)

Char - ALL boys have cooties...even Tripp. It's a known fact... ;)

Anonymous said...

This is the laugh that I've been needing today!!! TOO funny!!!
Jinger